Now I know my child is a precocious little twerp but most kids his age can follow rudimentary instructions. If Johnny can ask to feed the dog, which he does morning and evening, then he can ask to go to the loo if he knows that option is available to him. It's not so much that I'm sick of changing nappies as I'd like to give my child some dignity as soon as possible.
A generation or two ago we were all in cloth nappies and our parents couldn't wait to get us into knickers. Then came the disposable generation and suddenly 2 years old is early for potty training. I actually read of someone asking if 20 months was too early to start but her dear daughter keeps removing shitty nappies and playing around in the poo. They tried taping the nappies on, but she manages to get them off anyway. Fancy that.
I've been familiarising Johnny with the toilet for the past week or two, but only managed to get a decent potty seat yesterday, so didn't start taking his pants off until this morning. I got some pull-ups and put them in the bathroom closet and will do all nappy changes in the bathroom, dropping poo into the toilet and letting him see it flush. The idea is that he's currently processing sequences well, so it's time to learn that the bathroom is where we go to pee and poo.
This evening I put him on the toilet and since the nappy I took off was full, I wasn't expecting anything and didn't worry that he was misaligned. His firehose was on top of the seat, and both of us were taken off guard when it started to spray. "Uh-oh" said Johnny; "Good job!" said I.
So there we are, officially potty training. There is one draw back, though, and that's that the toilet is now lit up like a Beverley Hills Christmas tree and is on the radar for exploration. He had both hands in the toilet this morning, which does make your stomach turn a little even if it is supposed to be more sanitary than the kitchen sink.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Nature versus Nurture
The most fun part about being a parent is looking at the blank slate that is a product of mommy and daddy's DNA. You start out with "ooh poor lump got my ears with the one that sticks out more than the other." You move through "oh he's a precocious little twerp just like we were." But then around a year old you have this explosion of personality, and that's when it really gets interesting.
Our son is a sweet, compassionate little man with a sadistic sense of humour. It is not hard to tell which sides those traits come from. Similarly, the way he stacks his stacking toy, his snuggliness and his love of animals, is all clearly laid out in his DNA. Even his kamikaze nature adds up when you consider his grandfather's chosen profession.
Where it gets interesting is the stuff that's not so obviously in his DNA. Remember he's a blank slate so he's currently all nature. The stuff that can't be accounted for, recessive genes aside, is stuff that has been nurtured out of us.
Somehow Kurt and I have given life to a booty-shakin' chitter-chatter snuggle-snuggle love baby who gently strokes the head of his crying classmate, yells every time he runs, dances for seemingly no reason, smiles as he dusts himself off and picks himself up after landing on his bum yet again, and cleans up after himself if you give him a paper towel. Where did we go wrong?
Our son is a sweet, compassionate little man with a sadistic sense of humour. It is not hard to tell which sides those traits come from. Similarly, the way he stacks his stacking toy, his snuggliness and his love of animals, is all clearly laid out in his DNA. Even his kamikaze nature adds up when you consider his grandfather's chosen profession.
Where it gets interesting is the stuff that's not so obviously in his DNA. Remember he's a blank slate so he's currently all nature. The stuff that can't be accounted for, recessive genes aside, is stuff that has been nurtured out of us.
Somehow Kurt and I have given life to a booty-shakin' chitter-chatter snuggle-snuggle love baby who gently strokes the head of his crying classmate, yells every time he runs, dances for seemingly no reason, smiles as he dusts himself off and picks himself up after landing on his bum yet again, and cleans up after himself if you give him a paper towel. Where did we go wrong?
The books all lie
People usually go one of two ways in who they trust: books or people. I'm a book person, where book includes scientific journals and the internet.
As far as parenting resources go, the internet is pretty cool. You've got your WebMD and your kellymom for the book afficianados, but then there are forums and facebook groups for those who like their info from people. It's full of folks who say what they like and like what they say, whole continents of people itching for a fight, and dozens of cultures and counter-cultures to pick from. Your computer is your catelogue, letting you pick what you want and ignore the rest.
Books are a step up in authoritarianism though. Somebody edited and published the words and you pay for the privilege that the bullshit was filtered out for you leaving you with pure unadulterated truth. The problem is that bullshit is what sells books.
Have you ever noticed that pregnancy and parenting books are written for first-time parents? That's because when it's your second time on the rollercoaster you already know that the books are full of it. New parents don't want to hear that every baby is different and that what works best is your instinct; they want a set list of instructions for how to deal with the major issues: feeding, sleeping, staying alive and making your kid smarter.
Let's cut to the chase.
Feeding: The only "choice" as far as feeding goes is to breastfeed. If the boobie bar isn't working out for you, by all means stock up on formula. Just don't choose formula because you are making a conscious decision not to do the best you can for your baby and if that's your attitude then why are you having a baby at all?
Sleeping: Your baby will sleep for 11-15 hours a day, but not in useful stretches that allow you, say, to take a shower or wax your legs. You can let your baby fall asleep at the breast for as long as you like, but until you stop you will feel obligated to have your boobs in attendance for every nap and bedtime which is not necessarily the best thing for your sanity. Your baby will learn to go to sleep without your boob if someone else regularly does nap/bedtime but may still always want you to put your boob in their mouth because that's just the way you do bedtime.
Your baby will sleep the best between 2 and 6 months old; 6-15 months is a bloody nightmare between teething, crawling, separation anxiety, pulling up, babbling, walking and talking. Controlled crying and cry-it-out teach your baby that there's no point in crying because mummy won't come. If you're cool with that, you'll get longer blocks of sleep than those who aren't. Eventually your child will go to sleep on their own and sleep all night in their own bed. They'll do it about as soon as you really want them to.
Staying Alive: Your baby teaches you exactly how much you have to baby proof. We have to nail things down or lock them away, but there are children out there who can resist the magnetic tug of a purse or laptop. Seriously. When in doubt, call the pediatrician or 911. This is surprisingly the easy part!
Making Your Kid Smarter: I have no empiracle evidence for this yet, but the parts of the internet I choose not to ignore say a combination of breast milk, Omega3s that aren't polluted with heavy metals, and actively engaging with your child seem to be the way to go. Lots of eye contact, appreciative noises when your child babbles at you, and keeping a mix of toys that challenge and recently conquered challenges to boost self-confidence.
As far as parenting resources go, the internet is pretty cool. You've got your WebMD and your kellymom for the book afficianados, but then there are forums and facebook groups for those who like their info from people. It's full of folks who say what they like and like what they say, whole continents of people itching for a fight, and dozens of cultures and counter-cultures to pick from. Your computer is your catelogue, letting you pick what you want and ignore the rest.
Books are a step up in authoritarianism though. Somebody edited and published the words and you pay for the privilege that the bullshit was filtered out for you leaving you with pure unadulterated truth. The problem is that bullshit is what sells books.
Have you ever noticed that pregnancy and parenting books are written for first-time parents? That's because when it's your second time on the rollercoaster you already know that the books are full of it. New parents don't want to hear that every baby is different and that what works best is your instinct; they want a set list of instructions for how to deal with the major issues: feeding, sleeping, staying alive and making your kid smarter.
Let's cut to the chase.
Feeding: The only "choice" as far as feeding goes is to breastfeed. If the boobie bar isn't working out for you, by all means stock up on formula. Just don't choose formula because you are making a conscious decision not to do the best you can for your baby and if that's your attitude then why are you having a baby at all?
Sleeping: Your baby will sleep for 11-15 hours a day, but not in useful stretches that allow you, say, to take a shower or wax your legs. You can let your baby fall asleep at the breast for as long as you like, but until you stop you will feel obligated to have your boobs in attendance for every nap and bedtime which is not necessarily the best thing for your sanity. Your baby will learn to go to sleep without your boob if someone else regularly does nap/bedtime but may still always want you to put your boob in their mouth because that's just the way you do bedtime.
Your baby will sleep the best between 2 and 6 months old; 6-15 months is a bloody nightmare between teething, crawling, separation anxiety, pulling up, babbling, walking and talking. Controlled crying and cry-it-out teach your baby that there's no point in crying because mummy won't come. If you're cool with that, you'll get longer blocks of sleep than those who aren't. Eventually your child will go to sleep on their own and sleep all night in their own bed. They'll do it about as soon as you really want them to.
Staying Alive: Your baby teaches you exactly how much you have to baby proof. We have to nail things down or lock them away, but there are children out there who can resist the magnetic tug of a purse or laptop. Seriously. When in doubt, call the pediatrician or 911. This is surprisingly the easy part!
Making Your Kid Smarter: I have no empiracle evidence for this yet, but the parts of the internet I choose not to ignore say a combination of breast milk, Omega3s that aren't polluted with heavy metals, and actively engaging with your child seem to be the way to go. Lots of eye contact, appreciative noises when your child babbles at you, and keeping a mix of toys that challenge and recently conquered challenges to boost self-confidence.
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