Osama Boob-laden

I am a fundamentalist lactator. Don't get me wrong, I believe in God and Jesus and all of that salvation stuff, but I have only been to church once since arriving in the US and a religion is something you practice. It would seem that lactation is the closest I come.

Just like Osama, I prey on the lesser-educated, obfuscating and distorting the seminal text (that would be Gale Pryor's Nursing Mother, Working Mother) to bend them to my will. I do claim some moral higher-ground over Mr. bin Laden, though, and I don't mean because nursing is a just cause. At least I martyred my own boobs first.

Now hang on a minute, I'm very grateful for formula; I wouldn't be here if it weren't for the stuff. When I see parents formula-feeding their babies I don't feel smug superiority, I feel empathy, and a pang of regret that society has let another family down. I thought I had it bad in the beginning, but clearly that mother had it much worse or she'd still be nursing, if you see what I mean.

The only people who make me feel stabby are the ones who never even gave nursing a chance. Even if you only give it the good old college try while you are in hospital with your newborn, your baby gets most of the colostrum. One in five orphaned calves that don't get colostrum within 12 hours dies. The stuff is some kind of magic elixir.